‘All of me’ includes my work
Let's shift our mindset from 'work-life' balance to 'work life-personal life' balance
June 10th, 2022 | SIT Graduate Institute
By Sora H. Friedman, PhD
The past four years, I鈥檝e been researching women鈥檚 leadership in International Education.* The data shows that even as women reach senior leadership positions, they are still responsible for much of the management of their homes.
This was documented during the COVID pandemic, when more women were negatively affected by quarantine than men. And it is especially the case for women who nurse their babies, as even if partners are able to bottle feed, I鈥檓 told that the physical toll of nursing is strenuous and draining, especially for those who work professionally at the same time. (I never had the honor of nursing so I can only try to understand the experience through others鈥� stories.)
I鈥檓 learning to do myself what I鈥檝e advised my students to do for years: to listen to my gut, to trust myself, to acknowledge the complexities of my personal life and my work life, and to better understand how they fit together.
For many, whether parents or not, the desire to spend time with their family and friends, to perform well at work, to exercise, to contribute positively to their community, to continue lifelong learning, to have 鈥渕e鈥� time, often results in a feeling of constantly being pulled off center as if they are the rope in a game of tug-of-war.
More personally, in addition to trying to understand qualities of effective and rewarding leadership and the experiences of women senior leaders in my field, this year I鈥檓 participating in a program on women鈥檚 embodied leadership. I鈥檓 learning to do myself what I鈥檝e advised my students to do for years: to listen to my gut, to trust myself, to acknowledge the complexities of my personal life and my work life, and to better understand how they fit together.
As I listen and speak with colleagues and women leaders, one theme that consistently surfaces is the challenge of reaching the proverbial 鈥渨ork-life balance.鈥� So I did what any self-respecting academic does: I searched for the term 鈥渨ork-life balance鈥� on the internet.
The search resulted in over 78 hits on the first three pages alone; I stopped scrolling after that. Sources ranged from general medicine (Mayo Clinic, National Institutes of Health) to education (Maryville University) to psychology (positivepsychology.com, Psychology Today) to commercial professional development (Indeed, LinkedIn, Coursera).
The issue is that the common phrasing of 'work-life balance' sets up a false dichotomy between work and life, as it implies that work is not part of life.
However, a search for 鈥渨ork life-personal life balance鈥� only yielded results that start with 鈥渨ork-life balance.鈥� That鈥檚 right! There were NO results that described how to balance work life and personal life.
To me, the issue is that the common phrasing of 鈥渨ork-life balance鈥� sets up a false dichotomy between work and life, as it implies that work is not part of life. But this isn鈥檛 my reality, nor that of most professionals I鈥檓 talking with. I鈥檝e worked incredibly hard for years to develop a career that is fulfilling and of which I am proud. I鈥檝e invested in my education and professional training, and those who know me know that my career is very much a part of my identity. To me, it is something to celebrate, and it鈥檚 my reality.
I first lived and studied abroad when I was 17 and I鈥檝e been involved with international education and exchange ever since. My family is my priority, my number one choice, and always will be. But my work is also integral to my character, as I would not be who I am without it.
By buying into the notion of working toward 鈥渨ork-life balance,鈥� professionals, especially women, are figuratively excluding work from our lives. It is as if we are saying that what we do to fulfill ourselves, to share our expertise, to serve our students and colleagues, and even to support our families, falls outside of what we understand our lives to be.
I propose that we reframe our thinking by changing the verbiage and instead consider how we can balance our work lives and our personal lives. Let鈥檚 be realistic about how we spend our time and energy. Let鈥檚 be inclusive of all that we do, of all parts of our identities. Let鈥檚 give ourselves credit for the myriad responsibilities we hold, knowledge we share, and accomplishments we achieve, by telling the world that we have personal priorities, achievements, and challenges, as well as professional priorities, achievements, and yes, challenges.
As I navigate how to balance my work life and my personal life, my family is always my number one, but my work is also a valued part of me. Together, they make me whole. Let鈥檚 celebrate all that we are, in both our work lives and our personal lives.
Dr. Sora Friedman is professor of International and Global Education at SIT Graduate Institute.
*Friedman, S. (2021). How high the ceiling?: Gender and leadership in international higher education. In The Wiley Handbook of Gender Equity in Higher Education, N. Niemi and Weaver-Hightower, M., eds. John Wiley & Sons, Inc.